


I'm So Sorry - Julian Fic

by LaFormeTaysia



Series: The Arcana [3]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, MC death, apprentice death, julian devorak grief, post!lazaret fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 17:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaFormeTaysia/pseuds/LaFormeTaysia
Summary: Julian Devorak heard that one of his fellow surgeons, his apprentice no less, has been sent to Lazaret after displaying symptoms of the Red Plague. He hides within his office and sees the gloves they had left behind.





	I'm So Sorry - Julian Fic

_“We have people to treat Julian. It’s just a cough. I’ll be fine.”_

_**“I’ll be fine.”**_

_**~~“I’ll be fine.”~~ ** _

Liar.

Julian closed the door to his office and stared at the small, dark space as he struggled to maintain some semblance of control. His fists clenching and unclenching as he continued to play those three damned words over and over and over in his head until they became nothing more than background noise. 

Why hadn’t she told him… why hadn’t she trusted him with knowing she had contracted the plague? She must have known… 

He stopped thinking once he saw the small white gloves on his desk, left over from the many nights he had spent with Tilly in his private office. He took a step forwards and brushes his own gloved fingers against the fragment of… her. He flinches when he watches red smear across the unmarked fabric. He clenches his jaw and picks up the gloves, throwing them at the wall, his heart thundering in his ears. 

His hands reach for a leather-bound journal, but they fumble, and it falls to the ground with a thud. It opens to a page covered in small handwriting- Tilly’s handwriting. Julian blinks as everything begins to snap back into focus, his chest aching as it struggles to breathe evenly once more, his hands shaking. He slowly kneels beside the book and stares at it. 

She was gone. She’d been taken to Lazaret with the others. He could only pray she’d… she’d passed before she was tied to a pyre. He struggles to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, his vision blurring with unshed tears. Tilly was nothing more than ash and bones. She was nothing more than a bundle of memories that he couldn’t think about without wanting to fall apart. Tilly was nothing more… than handwriting in a journal. 

“I…” He begins, his hand moving towards the book, pulling it towards him. He presses his palm against the parchment and closes his eyes. He had almost destroyed her… he had almost destroyed the last piece of her that existed. He shook his head as he struggled to ignore the voice that reminded him of how he might’ve been able to save her. He was nowhere near finding the cure to this damned plague- no one was. The others were dropping like flies and he was still somehow fine. He had yet to show any symptoms, but he knew that once you started showing any of the symptoms- it only took a few days. 

He hugged the journal to his chest and took in a slow deep breath, imagining that Tilly was in the room with him, her cheery disposition filling the damp room with warmth. He pretended he could still hear her laugh as she joked with him about something or another, a small smile tugging at his lips, her fingers clinging to the book. 

_“Julian…”_ His head shot up at the sound of her voice and his eyes searched for her before his heart broke once more. 

“She wasn’t here. She wouldn’t ever be here again.” He whispers to himself, repeating those words a few more times, his eyes squeezed shut. He curled up into himself as the tears finally began to roll down his cheeks. He couldn’t hold back the broken sobs that left his lips as he began to finally realize that he was alone. He was going to, most likely, die alone in this hellhole. Or, worse, he would be tied to a pyre in Lazaret and face the same fate as so many before him.

If he had only found the cure... or had even gotten close. He would've saved her life- would have saved so many lives.

“I’m so sorry…” His voice breaks as he whispers towards the journal, his face red and soaked with his tears, his entire body beginning to ache from the force of his sobs. 

“I’m so sorry... **Forgive me, Tilly.** Please." 


End file.
